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R is 4 Recipes
This is probably the most stupid page on the site. In fact, it's supposed to be a s-e-c-r-e-t. If, like me, you've ever been perenially penniless and drudging to knock up some desperate little meal of beans on toast just to stay alive, here are a small selection of the many fab dishes I have strung together with minimal fuss or ingredients. They have almost nothing to do with Renault 4s, although since the average R4 owner is commonly a bit broke due to adopting an alternative lifestyle and shunning the usual career-driven cack, they may have some particular appeal to such types.
All the meals here are vegetarian, so uncultured flesh-ripping sorts should go elsewhere. I have written all the ingredients for two people, just to make it sound like I don't ever cook for one like a sad loner, but they can easily be adjusted by using a calculator or an abacus. If anybody should drop dead after consumption, I'll be the one making off at speed across another continent in an R4.
To begin, I should point out that although these meals are very cheap to concoct, you really need first to have some basic ingredients at hand, else you will have to buy them at the time and thereby render this whole money-saving idea useless. All these meals rely wholly or in part on the following essentials:
Spices:
Ground Turmeric - This is worth having in your cupboard if only to smell once in a while and wonder
dreamily about some sandy Middle-Eastern world.
Paprika - On the contrary, I used to hate the smell of this when I was little, but it is an integral part
of most spice blends, and is derived from the pepper.
Ground Cumin - A rich spice that smells of curry and is absolutely necessary for creating such dishes.
Ground Coriander - Strange phenomenon this one; all my other pots of spices deplete at a consistent rate,
whilst this one magically tops itself up every time I open it. Never have found out why.
Chilli Powder - Worth having, though usually for adding only in very small quantities. An alternative is to
use lots more paprika, but only if you're really desperate.
Garam Masala - A common mistake is to bung tons of this stuff in, resulting in dishes that taste of....
garam masala, and nothing else, surprisingly. This should be used in sparing quantities, and added shortly before
the end of cooking.
If you cannot obtain all these spices or are short of cash, you could just use some bog standard curry powder
instead. Other spices may be worth experimenting with, but these are the basic six with which you can't go wrong.
Other bits and bobs:
Rice - For ethical reasons, I would recommend using only genuine Indian Basmati rice, preferably organic,
as opposed to American varieties, the reasons for which I would have to write or reprint an article about.
Tinned chopped (or plum) tomatoes - yes I've moaned about these before elsewhere on the site, but they're a
very necessary part of budget dinner-making and all your plans will go to pot if these aren't lurking in your
cupboard. Fresh tomatoes are an optional luxury.
Vegetable stock cubes - Not always essential, and the ones without the dreaded Monosodium Glutamate
(additive number 620) are rather hard to find, but useful for padding out a meal.
Oil - Olive oil is healthier and works fine with any of these recipes. Only a small drizzle is usually
required. A multigrade is not recommended.
Finally, a good large pan is worthwhile getting hold of. Any large saucepan will suffice but a stir-fry pan
is better.
Right, here's the recipes. You'll either love them or hate them.
Recipe 1: Chick Pea Fandango
This is one of my all-time favourite dishes, because it's so cheap and easy to do. The great convenience is that you don't have to have any fresh vegetables at hand.
Ingredients (for 2): 2 tins of chick peas; 1 small tin of chopped tomatoes; 2 cups of rice; 1 level tsp of ground turmeric, paprika, cumin and coriander; ½ level tsp of chilli powder; ¼ level tsp of garam masala; drizzle of cooking oil; 1 onion (optional); 2 cloves garlic (optional).
Method: Prepare the rice by boiling in a saucepan of water, lid off, for 10 minutes or more (depending upon type of rice). Meanwhile, heat the oil in a large saucepan or stir-fry pan, stir in all the spices except the garam masala and heat for a further minute, taking care not to burn the spices. If you have chosen to fork out for the onion and garlic, chop them finely and add them now. Then add the chopped tomatoes and cook for 3 minutes. Drain and add the chick peas, seeking out the one bad one you always get in a tin. Cook for a few more minutes on a medium low heat, simmering gently. Strain the rice and tip it flamboyantly onto a plate. The consistency of the chick pea thing should be just right so as to provide a sauce for the rice without being runny. If you cook for too long they will dry up and it won't be very enjoyable. Add the garam masala a couple of minutes before taking the chick peas off the heat and plonking on top of the rice. The luxury version of this dish involves chopping a few bite-size potato chunks, boiling them separately for twenty-odd minutes and chucking them into the chick pea mix shortly before serving. And if your budget can stretch as far as a nice green pepper, chop that into strips and stir it in along with the chick peas.
Renault 4 relevance: There's at least as many Renault 4s around as there are grains of rice on your plate.
Recipe 2: Vegetable Stew Thing
This recipe has already appeared in the Pointless Comments section. It is not as cheap as the others, and takes longer both to prepare and to cook, but is rewarding nonetheless.
Ingredients (for 2): Accompaniment: 2 medium potatoes and ½ a swede, boiled and mashed to form a base. Main dish: the other ½ a swede (chopped); 2 carrots (chopped); 1 medium onion (chopped); 1 red pepper (chopped); 2 cloves garlic (finely chopped or crushed); 1 small tin of chopped tomatoes; 1 tin of black eye beans (drained); 1 pack of Vege-Mince (optional); 1 pint vegetable stock; herbs and spices (rosemary, thyme, cayenne pepper, etc.).
Method: As stated above, boil and mash the potatoes and the first half of the swede to form a base for the rest of the meal. Shove ALL the other ingredients in a large pan and cook them, simmering for up to an hour until you achieve the consistency of a thick soup. Pour it over the potato / swede base and munch away.
Renault 4 relevance: The R4 could doubtless drive across a sea of mashed potato with ease.
Recipe 3: Chana Dal And His Many Admirers
Discovered this one on the day of writing this article (not sure if that suggests cooking such a thing yourself will make you somewhat deranged). Indeed, it was the reason I even bothered typing this ridiculous page. I'd almost totally run out of things in my cupboards, bar some of the essentials listed above, and I was about to break into a nice crisp tenner that someone had given me when I sold some secondhand computer memory earlier in the day. However, I stuck to my guns and attempted to knock up something from nothing as I needed that tenner for R4 petrol money getting to college. As with the chick pea meal, this requires no onion or other fresh vegetables, which is ideal when the shops have shut and you've got nothing of the sort lying around, or when you live in France.
Ingredients (for 2): Everything left in my cupboard, i.e. 1 small tin of chopped tomatoes; 2 cups of chana dal (small yellow split lentil type of things - these are best soaked for a little while beforehand but should soften sufficiently throughout the cooking method used below); 1 tin of sweetcorn; ¾ pint of vegetable stock; all the essential spices listed at the top of the page, in the amounts specified in the chick pea recipe above; drizzle of cooking oil.
Method: Heat the oil in a large pan. Add the spices (except the garam masala) and fry for one minute, without scorching them. Chuck in the chopped tomatoes and cook for a couple more minutes, then stir in the chana dal and the sweetcorn, which doesn't need to be drained unless you bought some dodgy variety soaked in goat's urine or something. Then make up the stock and pour it over the mixture, simmering and stirring for as long as necessary until you have a hearty soup. You should allow at least half an hour if the chana dal are not pre-soaked. Add the garam masala a couple of minutes before serving.
Renault 4 relevance: As suggested above, sometimes it's a toss-up between fuel or proper food, and this meal fits both bills. (Don't take that too literally and try to force-feed your Four with the pulses, nor tip a jerry can down your gullet; neither consumer will be best pleased).
Recipe 4: Winter Warmer
Similar to the above recipe, but with the zesty addition of fresh garlic and ginger, this meal is particularly satisfying in that it uses so little ingredients but makes for such a fulfilling dish on those long, dark, cold wintery nights, all alone with the creaking windows, howling wind, wolves crying out in the distance, ghosts brushing eerily past the back of your head as you sit there shivering.... okay here's the recipe.
Ingredients (for 2): 2 cups of split red lentils (you can use virtually any lentils, although this type are handy as they require no pre-soaking; fat green ones are a luxury, especially the tinned variety); 1 tin of chopped tomatoes; 1 large or 2 medium onions (finely chopped); 1 inch cube of fresh ginger (finely chopped); 2 cloves of garlic (finely chopped); 1 level tsp ground turmeric, paprika, cumin and coriander; ½ level tsp chilli powder and amchoor (mango powder - optional); ¼ level tsp garam masala; 1 pint vegetable stock (boiling water will suffice if you do not have stock, as the flavour is part-derived from the spices); drizzle of cooking oil.
Method: Once again, heat the oil in a large pan, add all the spices bar the garam masala, and heat for one minute. Add the onion, garlic and ginger and fry for 5 minutes, then stir in the tomatoes and cook for 2 minutes more. Mix the lentils in and make up the stock. Pour the stock over and allow the whole lot to simmer gently. You can serve it thick or thin, depending upon cooking time, it's up to you. Add the garam masala a couple of minutes before serving. Contentment lies deep inside this meal. You will marvel at your capacity to create something from nothing and save yourself a fortune. It can work out cheaper than a tin of soup, can provide much more than you get in a tin, and taste far better.
Renault 4 relevance: Absolutely none.
That's your lot. When an asteroid strikes and it's survival of the subterraneanest with the biggest stock of lentils, this will stand you in good stead. Now go and dig your bunker.
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